Alien ships raid the sky.
Buildings echo people's crys.
They said this day would never come,
but the human race was being dumb.
They are coming for me.
To kill me off, like I should be.
They come for me, the big, burly, butt-ugly creatures are coming for me, for me to die,
And they shall find me, where I lie.
Its nice and peaceful where I lie.
Bodys lay around me both human and monster.
The smell of blood invades my nostrils with uster.
Buildings and rubble are all over, this is where Im going to die.
They come to where I lie.
Growl and moan as they come to where im going to die.
I lay as the rocks scream to me, they want me to run from where I lie,
But I do not want to run from where I lie, this is a good place to die, where I lie.
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2554002/where_i_lie
Two aspects of the poem that I liked were the way you used imagery and the way you described the invasion. Two things that you could improve are not to use the words lie and die so much in the poem and the diction you used. The rhyme scheme of this poem is AA,BB. I feel your tone was very paranoid and scared.Three intersesting uses of diction are dumb,butt-ugly and burly.One example of imagery in the poem was when you said alien ships raid the sky. Alertion was used when you said big,burly and butt-ugly. it was used in line seven. Internal rhyme was used when you said "They are comming for me". "To kill me off, like I should be". This was used in lines five and six. personifacation was used whenyou said "Building echo people's crys". Used in line second line. Onomatopoeia was used when you said "moan and growl".
ReplyDeleteKyren Phillips
i liked how you called the human race dumb, and how you described the aliens. i think it could have been longer, and could have used more description.
ReplyDelete1. the rhyme scheme was A A B B
2. sad and depressed
3.burly, butt-ugly, and die
4. the buildings achoing people's cries
5. big, burly, butt-ugly
6. die and lie, last line in the last stanza
7. rocks screaming
8. growl and moan
Lukas ReVeal
1.This poem is about zombies.
ReplyDelete2.What do you mean "To kill me off, like I should be."?
3.What does the word "uster" in stanza 3 mean?
4.Why is your entire poem so depressing?
Similes and metaphor: "To kill me off, like I should be." This is the only one I could find.
ReplyDeleteBig: mountain, sea, russia, skyscraper, the universe, a mansion.
Last two comments by Evan,Lynn
ReplyDeleteYou could add a simile at the end of the second line comparing the echo off buildings to somthing. Aslo somthing after the 5th line.
ReplyDeleteEvan Lynn
1. a guy waiting to be killed by aliens
ReplyDelete2. why were you so cruel witht the description of the aliens?
3. why did you make the last stanza just about him lying there?
4. why did you make the poem so depressing?
similes/metaphors: no metaphors, you could compare the building and aliens to something
symbolic part: death: aliens, blood, rubble
Lukas ReVeal