Life
Secrets- secrets written all over the open sky like a book;
Pain - lies stabbing you like a sharpened knife;
Poetry, known to be shook.
Not understanding the rhyme at the right time is a lot like life,
You'll feel confused and lost at times-
When bam! it suddenly hits you in the face;
as if you've fallen into a black abyss-
Why do I feel like this?
As if I'm the lone star in the midnight sky;
The Moon's smiling at me telling me there's no need to cry-
But this shall end soon-
I'm in a drunken high, and stumbling and mumbling.
Mumbling and stumbling.
I'm visualizing the end, with great acception.
This confusion is like a never ending road-
I wish I knew who I was-
I wish I knew who I'd be;
Then, maybe the end wouldn't look so appealing to me ... ?
I liked the subject of the poem: secrets, and how the author's attitude towards them changes. I liked how lines were punctuated to create the flow of the poem.
ReplyDeleteAn improvement might be to clarify how poetry is known to be shook (line three of the first stanza). Another improvement could be to reword line one of the third stanza:The Moon's smiling at me telling me there's no need to cry-; maybe smiling and telling me there's no need to cry.
1)The rhyme scheme is abac, cdeef, ghii, jklm, and the last line is by itself.
2)The tone is worrying, confused, lost
3)In a drunken high is a good use of words to describe feelings at that time. Abyss is the perfect word to use to talk about hopeless falling. Using pain as a comparison to the trouble words can cause is interesting.
4)Imagery:fallen into a black abyss in line three of the second stanza.
5)Stabbing like a sharpened knife uses the consanant s, line two stanza one.
6)Internal rhyme in line three of stanza three rhymes stumbling and mumbling.
7)Personification:lies stabbing you, in line two of the first stanza gives lies the human quality of being able to stab.
8)Onomatopoeia: bam!, describes the sound of the feeling of realization of secrets. line two of the second stanza.
Kelly Chen
I really liked the view on the world and what might change if it were looked at differently. I also liked how you rewarded pieces of the third stanza creatively. I would reccommend more elaboration on the secrets and the view of the poem and what it means by "known to be shook"
ReplyDelete1.) The rhyme scheme was ABAB
2.)desperate, saddened
3.) black abyss, lone star in a midnight star, the end wouldn't look so appealing to me
4.) lone star in a midmight sky (line five, stanza two)
5.) couldn't find alliteration?
6.) internal rhyme-mumbling and stumbling (line three, stanza three)
7.)the moon's smiling at me (line one, stanza three)
1) I think this poem is about not understanding the world around you, and thinking that your all alone at times.
ReplyDelete2) One question I have for a particular line of this poem is, where did you get the thought of "a black abyss"?
3) One question I have about a particular stanza of the poem is, why did you use the "moon smiling at you"?
4) One question I have about the entire poem, is where did you get your inspiration?
Similes:
"secrets written all over the open sky like a book",
"lies stabbing you like a sharpened knife",
"as if you've fallen into a black abyss",
and "the confusion is like a never ending road."
One allusion of the poem was, "Black abyss" - ( Dark, space, lonely, falling into a world of nothingness. )
- Ciara Nevin
Ciara,
ReplyDeleteI thought of "a black abyss" because of the thought of being lost can mean that you're alone, and maybe it's dark. I used "the moon smiling at me", because I thought of that being one of the only things a lost person can look to, and possibly feel close to home. I didn't really have any main inspiration to write this poem. When I write, I just think of the things I've been through in my life, as well as my family's. So I guess my past, as well as other's, is my inspiration for my poems.
-Jayla Shade
This poem is about life and the hardships of life. One question I have for a particular line of the poem is how is poetry known to be shook? One question I have about a particular stanza of the poem is the second stanza. What do you feel confused about? One question I have about the entire poem is why is life so depressing.
ReplyDeleteCourtney Bunner