Day on the Bay
With the rays of the sun smiling down like a clownno one could possibly form a frown
for the day is as beautiful as a kings crown
and nobody wants to go back to a town
A hot summer day just laying on the bay
looking above with heads in the clouds
no one wants to leave, everyone wants to stay
oh how they wish days on the bay were endless like sand on the beach
Swish, the sound of the wind and water is so relaxing
their sound soothing like a lullaby
everyone wishing this day had no ending
but on and on the day goes by
All the people are oh so happy
singing, laughter, joyfulness, and relaxed
all these emotions are so deeply expressed
as the day goes on into the next.
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2554738/Day_on_the_Bay
I really like how I could see the pictures in my head, and good rhymes.
ReplyDeleteI liked your use of imagery and similes. Some improvements could be adding metaphors, and use of punctuation.
ReplyDelete1) AAAA BCBD EFEF
2) relaxed and happy
3) lullaby, swish, relaxing
4) With the rays of the sun smiling down like a clown
5) Swish and sound, wind and water in line 1; stanza 3
6)A hot summer day just laying on the bay
7)The rays of the sun smiling down like a clown, line 1; stanza 1
8)Swish, line 1; stanza 3
Allison Lynch
I like the the imagrey and rhymes.
ReplyDeleteImprovements could be made with more punctuation and more compareison of two things.
1)AAAA BCBD EFEF
2)calm, happy or enjoyed
3)swish, soothing, lullaby
4)With the rays of the sun smiling down like a clown.
5)sound soothing. line 10
6)A hot summer day just laying on the bay. line 5
7)With the rays of the sun smiling down like a clown. line 1
8)Swish, the sound of the wind and the water is so relaxing. line 9
Devin Jones!!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete1 The poem is about not wanting a great day to end.
ReplyDelete2 Why do you want the day to be endeless is it that great.
3 In stanza 3 is seems like you are a relaxed person is this true?
4 Do you like anywhere else that makes you feel relaxed insatead of beaches.
kyle gresak
1. The poem is about not wanting the day to be over.
ReplyDelete2."And nobody wants to go back to a town" What does that mean?
3. Stanza 3 - Are you and your friends at the beach in this poem?
4. Did one of the pictures on the blog inspire you to write this?
Similes/metaphors -
"With the rays of the sun smiling down like a clown"
"for the day is as beautiful as a kings crown"
"oh how they wish days on the bay were endless like sand on the beach"
"their sound soothing like a lullaby"
sun - happy, smile, beach, water, daytime, laughter
Willie period 6
1 The poem is about not wanting a great day to end.
ReplyDelete2 Why do you want the day to be endeless is it that great.
3 In stanza 3 is seems like you are a relaxed person is this true?
4 Do you like anywhere else that makes you feel relaxed instead of beaches
sun smiling down like a clownthe day is as beautiful as a kings crowndays on the bay were endless like sand on the beach
soothing like a lullaby
beach- relaxing soothing sunny endless