The feeling is as hurtful as a punch in the face.
Forgetting would be even worse but
the memory is always there like it is every place.
11 teammates in the final minute,
11 opponents and a crowd screaming
Both teams trying to win it.
The winner tonight will leave beaming.
We hear the clock and its last tick-tock,
BEEEEPP! but the battle is just beginning.
The winner, not us, the loser faced with a long walk.
A walk filled with "we coulda had 'em" and "we were so close"-ing.
Guilt imprisoned some players,
others,like soliders in battle, were empowered by excitement.
But all knew soon answered would be our prayers
and we would play the team again, maybe with less disappointment.
-I enjoyed that you could make all of your lines rhyme with something else. I personally hate rhyming and struggled to do so in my own poem. I also liked how it described the feel of the game and although it was lost, how it said the next time might be different.
ReplyDelete-One way to improve this might be spelling, and another might be capitalization on the beginning each line.
1. ABAB
2. disappointment, but with some hope
3. emprisoned, beaming, and impowered.
4. lines 1 and 2 really put a picture in my mind.
5. in stanza 2, line 2 - BEEEEPP! but the battle is just beginning
6. stanza 2, line 1 - We hear the clock and its last tick-tock
7. stanza 3, line 1 - Guilt emprisoned some players
8. BEEEEPP! in stanza 2, line 2
-Hannah Williams
- I like the energy that you gave off with the words. Also, like how you based this off experience because I know you play soccer.
ReplyDelete- I think the only thing you ned improved is maybe more vocbulary? I'm not sure but overall, this poem is good!
1) AB
2) Disappointment but yet, motivated.
3) "Tick-tock" it shows the pressure that you were having and that is cool.
"We were so close"-ing because it is fun to say and it tells me what you said and your emotions.
"Screaming" it shows the image of the crowd.
4)"11 teammates in the final minute" because it gives me the image of the field and just the whole game.
5)"BEEEP! but the battle is just beginning." Line 6 stanza 2
6) "Clock, tick-tock" line 5 stanza 2
7)"Guilt emprisoned" line 9 stanza 3
8)"BEEEP!" line 6 stanza 2
♥Sasha Zainal♥
The poem is about how it feels to losing the game.
ReplyDeleteOne question I have for a paticular line in the poem is why were they like soliders in battle?
One question I have about a particular stanza of the poem is why compare the hurtful to a punch in the face?
One question I have about the whole poem is why was losing this one game such a big deal?
4 similies/metaphors are 1. Remembering the game was like reopening a huge cut 2. the feeling was like hurtful as a punch in the face. 3.the memory is always there like every place. 4.others like soliders in battle,we empowered by excitment.
Reopening a cut is like deep, gross, big and needs a band-aid.
i just commented jenna pierce
ReplyDelete