It is pouring down the rain.
I hope we don't have too much pain.
We are sliding like ice left and right.
Our cleats are not in sight.
The stinky soaked shinguards split,
as everyone was getting hit.
Snap, Crackle, Pop!
This game is like slop.
Refs don't know what to call,
so they bounce around like a ball and fall.
This game has gone too far.
Most of us normally shine like a star.
The players finally started to try,
so the ball started to cry.
All of us were getting wet,
but thats okay because we shook the net!
I really liked the way you described the refs and how they flip flop around with their decisions. I also enjoyed the fact that even though you describe the game as "going too far" and the way your team "usually shines like a star" you ended with "we shook the net!" It allows the poem to end on a poitive note.
ReplyDeleteTo improve your poem, I think you could add a little more imagery. For example instead of just saying "the ball started to cry" you could add words such as "tremble". Also, I don't understand your comparison of your teammates to butterflies. Instead you could say something about getting into the game.
1. a, a, b, b. c, c, d, d. e, e, f, f.
2. Your tone at the beginning was a little irritated, but it turned into being positive in the last few lines.
3. I like the way you used "soaked shingaurds", "shine", and "bounce".
4. I couldn't find much imagery in the poem.
5. Alliteration was used in the first line "stinky soaked shingaurds split".
6. "Fly like a butterfly" was a use of internal rhyme.
7. Personification was used in the line "fly like a butterfly".
8. Onomatopoeia was used in the line "Snap, Crackle, Pop!"
Esha Halabe
I really enjoyed the feeling you put into the poem. The feeling of disdain towards the refs as well as the feeling of passion and great description of the game made the poem great to read.
ReplyDeleteIn order to improve your poem, I believe you may want to use slightly better terminology; as well as more imagery in the poem. Adding vivid descriptions of the ball gracefully soaring through the air would be a great addition.
1. a, a, b, b
c, c, d, d,
e, e, f, f
2. The tone very clearly conveys the message you are putting into the poem. Everything from disdain at the refs to the joy of winning is clearly evident in the poem.
3. Diction I found in the poem to be very interesting was how you said the refs “bounced,” and the vivid words used to describe what was happening to the shinguards as well as the use of “fly” as a description of your teammates.
4. Imagery was used by using a simile to compare your team to a butterfly.
5. Alliteration was used in the first line by saying “stinky soaked shinguards split.”
6. Internal rhyme was used in the ninth line “fly like a butterfly.”
7. Personification was used in the tenth line by giving the ball human characteristics of crying.
8. Onomatopoeia was used in the third line “Snap, Crackle, Pop!”
Filip Mazurek
1. I think this poem is about the struggles and benefits of the sport.
ReplyDelete2. One question I have for a particular line in the poem is, what do you mean by "so the ball started to cry?"
4. Does this poem mean something more than soccer?
5. 4 examples of simile and metaphor are "We are sliding like ice left and right," "This game is like slop," " they bounce around like a ball and fall," and "Most of us normally shine like a star."
6. "Most of us normally shine like a star" symbolizes that even if someone is usually good at something, they can have off days. Shine like a star makes me think of excelling in something, and being extremely good.