In the Rain
a dark gloomy day
as rain drops fall, I wish it was sunny again
Pip, plop on my window seal
looking outside in turmoil disappointment I feel
rain just run away as if in vein
leap, skip, jump I want to go play
inside or out, I feel a cloud over me
drawing with emotion, it's so depressing
I remember leaping, laughing and leading
all is gone now it's depleting
it's as boring as night
when all is sleeping and has no sight
now the deary day has gone away
the sun sun has sleigh the rain
as the sky lights up like fire
I feel much more desire
to run rushing and ramped
as if I can't contain it
like a lion out it's cage
I arouse up to find that it was all a daze
it was all a dream
all was so real, that's what it seems
so now I just lay there
looking up in a blank stare
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2554027/in_the_dark
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2554027/in_the_dark
I like your description, and i like the detail of the descriptions. there were just a few spelling problems,and one word was put twice.
ReplyDelete1. A A B B
2. depressed and sad
3. as the sky lights up like fire, i awoke to find that i all was a daze, like a lion out of its cage
4. feeling desire
5. run, rushing, and ramped, line 17
6. day and gone away, line 13
7. rain running, line 5
8. plip plop, line 3
Lukas ReVeal
I like all the imagery you used, and how you sorta set it up in stages.
ReplyDeleteyou might want to upgrade your rhyming a little bit, also you might want to have your lines go into each other a little better.
1.A A B B
2. kinda deppressing but at the end happy and wild.
3. ramp, i like it showsit is wild and free, go anywhere it wants.
4. the sky liights up in fire, i like how you decribed that.
5.leaping, laughing, and leading.
6. day has gone away
7. the sun has sleigh the rain.
8.
1) The poem is about a day changing from rainy to sunny, but it turns out it was all a dream.
ReplyDelete2) One question I have for line 19 is.. Is the sky lighting up like fire referring to the sun coming out and shining or something more destructive like actual fire?
3) One question I have for the 3rd stanza is... is this where your dream began or was it a dream from the beginning?
4) One question I have for the entire poem is.. was the dream simply about you waiting for the sun to come out so you can go outside and do something?
"Rain just run away as if in vein" is a simile.
"It's as boring as night" is a simile.
"As the sky lights up like fire" is a simile.
"Like a lion out it's cage" is a simile.
Fire- Bright, warm, destructive, burning, hot.
-Rachel Tallman