Shock and Awe
Flying over these rocks, I am free
Overcoming the burdens, no longer restricting me
Above the clouds, forever I can see
This euphoria, unexplainable to thee
I am the mighty hawk, above the clouds
My engines scream, mesmerized by the sound
Slightly swirling, following prey, recently found
A missile divebombing in leaps and bounds, it nears the ground
He sees it, he screams for help
Death in the air, there is a boom following the whelp
Near the body, his family knelt
Nothing is left, just a pelt
Tears roll down my face as I look to the east
Remembering how I once looked up to a priest
I now cry because I am the beast
I weep for those who i have made deceased
I am like a child, wiping away the tears
To the innocent, I am their fear
I adjust the throttle, bringing down the rear
Praying to God, hoping he is near
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2555189/Giant_Turtles
I enjoyed the rhyme scheme. It made the poem easy to read and let the poem flow really well. I also liked the overall topic because it isn't completely about a hawk and its prey; it has a deeper meaning.
ReplyDeleteI think you should maybe clarify line 10 because I couldn't really understand it. I also think you should add more imagery to the third stanza.
1)AAAA
2)Joyful, but turned angsty
3)euphoria, whelp,rhyming deceased with priest
4)The first stanza, describing flying
5)"Slightly swirling" in line 7
6)"Bounds, it nears the ground" in line 8
7)"I am the mighty hawk" in line 5
8)"Boom" in line 10
Claire Chen
I really liked the entire poem. Your use of vocabulary was ridiculously good and the story flowed so well.
ReplyDeleteSuggestions:
One thing I would change is how the rhyme scheme was exactly the same for the whole poem. Next, I would only use your extensive use of vocabulary more throughout the peom.
Rhyme Scheme:
4 lines of A
4 lines of B
4 lines of C
4 lines of D
4 lines of E
Tone:
The poets tone was very remorseful and almost shameful.
Diction:
First, I liked your use of the words euphoria and how later you called him a beast. I liked it because it showed how the mood of the poem changed so quickly. Last, I liked your comparison to a hawk because it depicted how he was a predator very well.
Imagery:
Comparing the plane and pilot to a hawk used imagery.
Alliteration:
"Slightly swirling, following prey, recently found" Line seven
Internal Rhyme:
"A missle divebombing in leaps and bounds, it nears the ground" Line eight
Personification:
"A missle divebombing in leaps and bounds, it nears the ground" Line eight
Onmatopoeia:
"There is a boom following the whelp" Line ten
Lucas Vealey
1. Your poem was about an airforce pilot on the job and feeling guilt after he killed someone.
ReplyDelete2. What was the purpose of the pilot hunting the man in line eight?
3. In the third stanza, why was the rhyme scheme different?
4. What inspired you to right this poem in the first place?
Metaphors and Similies:
-I now cry because I am the beast
-I am like a child, wiping away the tears
-To the innocent, I am their fear
-I am the mighty hawk, above the clouds
Hawk: Predator, avian, superior, hunter.
1)Your poem is about a hawk and its prey, though it has a deeper meaning about death.
ReplyDelete2) One question I have about a line in your poem is on line seven, "He sees it, he screams for help" Is it you that is seeing the prey and the prey is screaming for help or is it someone else?
3)One question I have about a line in one of your stanzas is the third stanza. Why are you remembering your faith after killing another? Do you feel guilt?
4)One question I have about the entire poem is, are you speaking from personal feelings about something, or is this just a poem you wrote about whatever?
I am the mighty hawk
I am like a child
I am their fear
Flying - nature, airplanes, helicopters, skydiving, and thrill.
Brenna Leasor