There is no specific reason why i practice martial arts.
I geuss i just find it pleasing.
i use what i know only for one reason...to use ut when needed.
Like a snakes with deadly venom, i keep martial arts hidden
Its considered a hoby.
but a weapon as well
just as a lions roar, I use it as defense
and yes that is hence, the reason i will never start fights...never until the day that i die
like a buzzing bee, if im attacked
I will surely sting, but until im again attacked
i think ill just stick with tournements
and use martial arts as play
I really enjoyed the whole poem was based on martial arts because I think martial arts is very interesting to observe. Another neat aspect about this poem is that you revel that you will only use martial arts if a fight is brought on to you. As for as improving your poem a main topic from my opinion would be to consider rhyming a little bit more. Also, consider not repeating your end words in the same stanza. I get your point but the repetition is too much.
ReplyDelete1. No rhyme scheme (you could try rhyming your endings with those previously above such as rhyming something with arts or needed.)
2. Happy and enthusiastic about martial arts
3. Diction is not a problem for you i liked how you chose deadly which sound great with venom and happend to jump out at mea as well. Another word that was very creative was roar it was a great addition to the poem and caught my eye.
4. snakes appear to my senses because during the poem I imagined snakes showing their fangs with venom on them.
5. buzzing bee in line 9
6. No internal rhyme maybe you would conside putting hence on the same line as defence
7. I didn't see any personification perhaps you could do something with lions or snakes and give them human like qualities.
8. buzzing line 9 and it was a great choice as far as words are concerned.
Olivia Santee
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ReplyDeletethis poem is really good and tells about one of your hobbies and that is really neat that you practice martial arts and that you dont fight just to fight but you use it as defense. i think that this poem can use a little more rhyming with previuos words.
ReplyDelete1)i dont see a rhyming scheme
2)excited and pumpped be martial arts
3)the word venom was a good choice to corporate with snake cause it tells how the snake acts and what it does.
4)when you say a snakes deadly venom it makes me picture a snake about ready to eat its prey or something
5)buzzing bee in line 9
6)from what i read i dont see an internal rhyme
7)i dont see and personificaton
8)buzzing in line 9 and it is a really descriptive word