Placing my fingers
On the ivory keys,
I play my piano
With the greatest of ease.
For a minute it's like
I can soar like a bird,
My fingers maneuver
A smooth lullaby to be heard.
The soft plink of the keys
Is like a sweet smile.
I'm thinking I might
Have to stay here for a while.
It's freeing, and I'm seeing
That it's good to be alive.
Like a jazz tune in the moonlight,
The nightlife will thrive.
The piano sings, and finishes
A charming little song,
To conclude is like a steady breath
I've been holding all along.
-I enjoyed how your poem really made me see you playing a piano and that it lots of similes and metaphors.
ReplyDelete-To improve your poem you could maybe add more rhyming words for a better rhyme scheme or you could make it longer.
1. A,B,C,B
2. relaxing and remembering
3. jazzy, plink, and maneuver
4. placing my fingers on the ivory keys, I play my piano
5. sweet smile-line 10
6. feeling free able to see- line 13
7. the piano sings-line 17
8. plinl-line 17
Maggie Snively
-I like the idea of the poem and how you dscribed your feeling while playing the piano.
ReplyDelete-You don't really need improvement, but, I guess you can maybe try make it more specicfic and longer?
1) ABCB
2)Classical and Calm
3)Ivory keys because it gives me a good imagery of it.
Maneuver because I'm not sure what this word means but it sounds cool.
Sweet Smile because it gives off a good feeling.
4)"I can fly like a bird"
5)"Sweet Smile" line 11 stanza 3
6)"I'm feeling free, able to see" line 13 stanza 4
7) "The piano sings" line 17 stanza 5
8)"Plink" line 9 stanza 3
♥Sasha Zainal♥
I like that you talked about how you played, and how you felt when you played. Stay happy with what you're writing about. A B C B D E F E B G H G I J K J L M N M. Happy, lighthearted, interested, and at ease. "The nightlife will thrive" "The soft plink of the keys" "The piano sings". "A smooth lullaby to be heard" Alliteration - "I'm feeling free, able to see" in the fourth stanza, and the first line. Internal Rhyme - "I'm feeling free, able to see" fourth stanza, first line. Personification - "the piano sings" in the fourth stanza, first line. There wasn't an onomatopoeia used in this poem.
ReplyDeleteJayla Shade
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ReplyDelete1.) The poem is about a pianist and how it feels to play.
ReplyDelete2.) In line one and two of stanza three, how is the soft plink of keys like a sweet smile?
3.) In the last stanza, is that how it really feels when you finish the song?
4.) In the entire poem itsself, what mase you want to talk about playing piano? It's very creative as well as descriptive.
similes/metaphors?
1.For a minute it's like I can soar like a bird.
2. My fingers maneuvered, a smooth lullaby to be heard.
3. The soft plink of the keys is like a sweet smile
4. Like a rich, jazzy tune in the moonlight, The nightlife will thrive.
piano-ivory, keys, twinkling music, calm, clear, flowing
Ha ha, I hear you don't play piano? That's great; especially because this is so well written (and so true; I do play). I'm not sure if I'm just stupid, but I wasn't sure what "The nightlife will thrive" meant in this context. I kind of have trouble understand stanza four. What exactly do you mean in that one? What is it describing? And last, what made you write about this, considering you don't play?
ReplyDelete'I can soar like a bird...' LINE 2 STANZA 2
'Like a sweet smile...' LINE 2 STANZA 3
'Like a richy jazzy tune...' LINE 3 STANZA 4
'Is like a steady breath...' LINE 3 STANZA 5
Amanda
To everyone who has no clue what I'm saying in some places - this is Hannah, trying very hard not to use smileys -
ReplyDeletea. I make no sense.
b. I hate rhyming, haha...
c. In terms of the sweet smile, some songs just really make me happy.
d. I have no clue why I wrote this; it just came to me and that's what I wrote, haha...
e. jazz songs are very full of life to me, and when I wrote this, I was thinking of jazz clubs, where they play music and stuff. So that's what I meant by the nightlife - going out into the city, that's full of life too.
f. when I finish anything without doing a mistake, it feels like I've been holding my breath the whole time, or have been on edge, and can finally relax.
I hope this helps!