The Answers Were the Same
The task was to simply choose one
But the answers were the same;
My left neighbor was still on Number 1
My right was just decorating her name
I felt too scared to peek behind me
Even if he knew what it was,
But the hawk's eyes, they would surely see
And she would lecture me my mom does
The others' pencils swiftly scritched and scratched
Gnawing the desktops without mercy
I felt so behind
and I felt so detached
So much that the hawk might hurt me
Screech!
I turned, a seat had moved
Backing up along the floor
My right neighbor finished, stood up, and moved
She approached the desk in horror
She wasn't the smartest in the class
She was more like a live walking comedy
She was as loose and unstructured as a cloud of gas
But I saw the small opportunity
I seized the chance and turned my head
I took a sneak peek at her answers;
But the only use of her pencil's lead
Were for pictures of thin ballet dancers
Ugh!
This school is a prison! This class is a cell!
This test question's like a meal session,
Where I have to wonder whether to eat whatever smells
or to starve here and die in depression
So I scratched my head to make myself smarter
I reread the question, ashamed
That I had not studied harder
And the answers were the same
Two aspects of the poem that I really like are that your poem is about cheating...which is bad!
ReplyDeleteAlso, that your poem is sort of scary in some aspects. Two suggestions for improvement are that you need to rhyme more. Some of your rhyming words have similar sounds but they don't rhyme well enough to me.
1)ABAB
2)Your tone is nervous and tense.
3)Interesting uses of diction were when you described lunch time as a meal session and I liked how you used the word peek because that was cute.
4)One example of imagery is how you described the teachers eyes as those of a hawks.
5)Scritched and scratched - line 9 (not very good because you need more of the phrase)
6)no internal rhyme - You should use "My right neighbor proved superior, got up, and moved"
7)The pencils gnawed the desktops without mercy - line 10
8)Screech - line 13
Your favorite ginger!
-Brenna Leasor!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the depressing tone of the poem because it is the exact opposite of you. I also liked when you compared the classroom to a prison cell.
ReplyDeleteSome words do not rhyme so you could improve that. Also your rhyme scheme changes at times.
1. A, B, A, B
2. The tone of the poem is tense and depressing.
3. Gnawing, ashamed, and unstructured.
4. "She was as loose and unstructured as a cloud of glass."
5. "The others' pencils scritched and scratched." line 9.
6. You need internal rhyme, but your poem sounds fine without it.
7. " The others' pencils scritched and scratched gnawing at the deskstops without mercy."
8. Screech"I turned a seat had moved." line 14.
Victoria Sellaro
1. This poem is about a student taking a test and fighting the urge to cheat.
ReplyDelete2. One question I have for a particular line of the poem is the next to last line when you say you wished you had studied harder. Is there a specific reason you did not study harder.
3. One question I have for a particular stanza of the poem is in the first stanza when you first saw the test and did not know any of the answers why was your first instict to cheat and not guess the answers?
4. One question I have for the entire poem is why did you hesitate to cheat?
Four examples of similes and/or metaphores are "She was more like a live walking comedy,"
"She was as loose and unstructured as a cloud of gas," "This school is a prison! This class is a cell!" "This test question's like a meal session."
A symbolic part of your poem is the seventh and eighth line when you talk about a hawk's eyes. When I think of a hawk's eyes I think of a black hole or a scary place that you do not want to be which in the poem is the teacher.
Three things that come to my mind when I think of a hawk are something flying through the air, freedom, and fear.
Victoria Sellaro