http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2555116/risen_soul_
For one to live is for one to die
So go ahead and fly to the sky
All sins are forgiven all prayers are heard
So go ahead and spread your wings like a bird
Watch over us as we did for you
We know you love us because we love you too
Forgive and forget thats god motto right
So go now and enjoy tour flight
As you rose up as you flew
We thought to ourselves we will never forgive you
Your one with our souls your one with our hearts
We love you forever and we will never break apart
For days to come and lives to enter
We may not met in the beginning
But always in the after
The way i came i went the same
I dont know anything but the pain
The angles wings tells me a story ,
Of what heaven is like
The night time winds make the gates clash
Running through the clouds,
I see wild white wings flapping about
Do not doubt it and or dicard it
If being prejudged,
Will have an effect again and after
god loves all even if you dont love him
i realy enjoyed the whole subject of the poem and the great rhyme scheme. I would improve on the limited use of onomatopoeia and the limited use of personification..it would realy be good for the poem.
ReplyDelete1. aa bb cc dd ee ff gg hh ii
2. the tone is a happpy and yet very concered
3. wild, prejudged, and angels where all good very good uses of diction
4.the whole 6th stanza was a very good use of imagery
5. doubt and dicard it where goood alliteration uses on the 1st line last stanza
6. came and went the same was a good use of internal rhyme on the 1st line 5th stanza
7. angels wings tell me a story was a good use of personificationon the 5th stanza 3rd line.
8. clash 6th stanza first line
-garett farmerie
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ReplyDeleteI liked how you made the poem rhyme because to some people it is very hard to do. Another thing I liked was the poem was based on heaven it was different from the other ones I had read so I enjoyed it. I would not change a lot only that you should try adding an additional line to some stanzas'. Also you might want to add some more onomatopeia.
ReplyDelete1. Rhyme scheme was mostly AA BB then it was changed a little bet when you got into righting the stanzas with only three lines.
2. The tone seemed normal not entirely thrilled but not sad at the smae time.
3. some diction that I enjoyed was clash you used after gates it was neat. Prejudged is another word I thought was neat because someone just glancing at your poem might wonder what was prejudged. Also pain caught my attention because it made me think about who was in pain.
4. Imagery used in the poem was spread your wings because it made me fell as if I could see them spreading their wings.
5.Wild white wing was used as alliteration in line 22.
6. Internal rhyme waas used in line 4 ahead and spread.
7. Angels wings tells me a story is personification since wings do not tell stories.
8. Clash is used as onomatopeia
Olivia