"Knock, knock" Mr Rumbleroar knocks on the door.
He waits forever before someone is there.
Ms. Rala opens the door, and there is animal print from cieling to floor.
Mr. Rumbleroar's eyes bulge out like a bug's.
And Ms. Rala burts out and cries.
So he goes over and gives her a hug.
She says, "My problem prints pull themselves back whenever I tell pretty lies."
Ms. Rala explained all the prints to him.
"The zebra is like day and night,
while the tiger is like a voice inside her head after she told a fib,
and the cheetah is like a bully wanting to get into fight."
As the clouds came together to listen as she talked to him,
even Mr. Rumbleroar could tell she was out of her mind, and he left for the night.
Things I enjoyed
ReplyDelete1.reading about what you compared the wild aninals to.
2.I really like the way you had your lines rhymming.
Suggestions.
1. It might be more interesting if the similes weren't back to back. Use metaphors.
2. Maybe describe the situation a little bit more.
1.Rhyme Scheme - ABA, CDC, BFEFE.
2.I think that the poet's tone was exotic and
wild it reminded me of the jungle with all of the similes.
3...1) eyes bulge out like a bug's.
2) voice inside her head as she told a fib.
3) the zebra is like day and light.
4.Imagery- "The zebra is like day and light.".
5.Alliteration was My Problem Prints Pull themselves back. line 7.
6.Internal Rhyme - door and floor in line 3.
7.Personification - "clouds came together to listen" line 13.
8.Onomatopeoia - "knock knock" line 1.
Ashley Schifano (:
I like that the whole poem is upbeat, and the description of the prints.
ReplyDeleteI suggest trying to fix some of the rhythm of the stanzas, it seems to be off in some places, and metaphors seem to be a little lacking.
1. ABA CDCD EFGFEF
2. Upbeat, somewhat wild
3. The characters names, problem prints, and fib
4. The whole last stanza with the description of the prints
5. problem prints pull- line 7
6. door, floor- line 3
7. clouds came together to listen- line 13
8. knock- line 1
Erika Yohn
I like the concept of visual representations of your words and thoughts (lies suddenly become visible). What if there were sounds associated with the prints as well?
ReplyDeleteDr. Benson