I wake up in the morning
So I would go to school everyday
Dressing up like a princess is tiring
But it is for you to notice me and say "hey."
I walk down the hallway
"Man, my mind is making me more nervous!"
Is that what am I suppose to say?
But like a brave soldier, my face says I'm serious.
Click! clack! as my heels walked
Although my feet hurts like mad
I wished we talked
But, like a shady girl, just seeing your face
Is the best memories I've ever had.
But I feel we're too different
I'm new and you're leaving
And one of these days I will give you a compliment
Hopefully I really wish we will start talking.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete-I enjoyed that you wrote about real life and that you can tell how you really feel.
ReplyDelete- There is not mch to improve on but I liked when you wrote what you were saying/thinking so you could add more of that,
1. A,B,A,B
2. frustration, brave,peace
3. princess, like mad, like a shady girl
4. dressing up like a princess
5. man, my mind is making more- line 6
6. no internal rhyme
7. my heels walked-line 9
8. click! clack!- line 9
Maggie Snively
-I really liked the feeling of this poem. I can relate to it, and I think a lot of other peoplep could too. I also liked how you describe how it's tough to be noticed sometimes.
ReplyDelete-You could improve this by having it make some more sense and by improving the spelling.
1. ABAB
2. sort of sad, frustrated but hiding it all, wistful
3. shady, although, heels
4. the first stanza especially painted a picture in my mind.
5. I don't see any
6. none
7. stanza 3, line 1 - my heels walked
8. stanza 3, line 1 - click! clack!
- Hannah Williams
I like how you hint at the story of what happened without actually saying it directly. What if you played more with what you were saying in your mind as you walked towards the person you were going to talk to? Maybe even a whole stanza of things you want to say-- and then after you walk away, you can have a stanza of lines you wish you'd said or ways you wish the conversation had gone.
ReplyDeleteDr. Benson
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete1.This poem is about your feelings towards a guy.
ReplyDelete2.I was wondering on how your mind made you more nervous and what you were thinking about.
3.you said seeing his face is the best memories youve ever had. That has alot of emotion in it.
4. Are these your true feelings towards this person?
Similies and Metaphores--
*Dressing up like a princess is tiring
*But like a brave soldier, my face says I'm serious.
*But, like a shady girl, just seeing your face
*Although my feet hurts like mad
Symbols-
Brave likfe a soldier: brave, loyal, protective, nice, strong, fast, dependable.
☺Allan Martin☻
1. This poem is about a girl who wants a guy to notice her.
ReplyDelete2. Who are you trying to impress?
3. Where did you get this sort of emotion from?
garrett wotring