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In Neverland
In Neverland
By Sara Berzingi
When I see your eyes
I fall frivolously from the sky,
like a baby bird trying to learn how to fly,
like a baby bird trying to learn how to fly,
I just hope it can work out with no lies
Take my hand
My hearts unlocked so you don’t need a key
We’ll live forever like Peter Pan and Wendy
Together in Neverland,
I promise to be true
In your arms forever
My heart will dance and we’ll never say never,
Boom Boom Boom, my hearts want only one and it’s you
So in the vast night sky we'll soar,
We'll wave to each star
'Cause tonight we're going to travel far
Being with the one I adore, baby i don't need much more.
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2553909/Boom
So in the vast night sky we'll soar,
We'll wave to each star
'Cause tonight we're going to travel far
Being with the one I adore, baby i don't need much more.
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2553909/Boom
I really enjoyed how this poem was like a promise to be true to the person you love. I also like how you compared to relationship to the neverending lives of Peter pan and Wendy. Personally, I wouldn't improve anything but since I'm required to write about two things I'd improve, I'd suggest writing more in depth about the promises you plan to make and what you expect in return.
ReplyDelete1) Rhyme Scheme - ABBA
2) Romantic, sweet, loving, promising.
3) There weren't many uses of interesting diction other than the words "frivilously". To me, this word means without seriousness or sensiblity. I don't understand why you would use this word here.
4) "My heart's unlocked so you don't need a key" Stanza 2, line 1. This made me think of an actual human heart with a broken padlock.
5) "I fall frivilously from the sky.." Stanza 1, line 2.
6) I don't see any internal rhyming, but then again, I don't completely understand what it is. :]
7) "My heart's unlocked so you don't need a key." Stanza 2, line 1.
8)"Boom, boom, boom" Stanza 3, last line.
Justice Redman <3's you. Good job, Sarah!
I liked that your poem is flowing and has a lot of similes and metaphors. I dislike few things, but you may need to expand how your love is going to repay you, and the A lines do not rhyme in the first stanza.
ReplyDelete1.ABBA
2.loving, passionate, romantic
3.The word "frivolously" and "I fall frivolously from the sky" are the only ones I can find.
4."like a baby brid trying to learn how to fly"
5."I fall frivolously from the sky" line 2
6. I dont see any
7. "My hearts unlocked so you don’t need a key" line 6
8. "Boom Boom Boom, my hearts want only one and it’s you.' last line
I like the Peter and Wendy flying through the sky image. I think you could change the order of the stanzas to make that the central image to tie the poem together. Or, new idea: what if the Peter Pan take my hand lines became a sort of chorus?
ReplyDeleteDr. Benson
1) This poem is about how you should be true to the one you love.
ReplyDelete2) One question I have about the last stanza, second line. What does really mean? What is it symbolizing?
3) I have a question about the first stanza. I dont really think the last line fits with the rest of the stanza.
4) A question I have about the poem is other than the second stanza, what does the poem have to do with Neverland?
-"Like a baby bird trying to fly" "I fall frivolously from the sky" "My hearts unlocked so you dont need a key" "So in the vast night sky we'll soar"
-Neverland-Dreams, hopes, flying.
--Soeun Park
1.) The poem is about loving someone and you should stay with them and trust them
ReplyDelete2.) ONe question I have about stanza four last line, does it mean that the heart is beating for that someone to come?
3.)One qustion I have is the first stanza, is it talking about working out a relationship with someone?
4.)A question I have about the whole poem is it talking about meeting someone or being that a particular someone and flying away with them?
Simile/Metaphor
1. Heart unlocked so you don't need a key
2. Like Peter Pan and Wendy
3. Like a baby bird trying to fly
4. In the vast night, we'll soar
Symbolic- Fly
being free
life without chains
NOthing to worry about
Shruthi Sreekumar ^
ReplyDeleteSoeun- THe first stanza second line is talking about how when shes sees this person it just makes her fall frivoulosuly form the sky like almost like the girl is just being carefree and hoplessly in love.
ReplyDeleteYeah i think your right about hte last stnaza of the first line its a bit out of context but hey it rhymes!
Neverland is my depciton of running away togethe in a fantasy land, its just a metaphor.
:) Sara
Shruthi- Yes in that line its talking about how her heart feels and how she only wants him so yes.
ReplyDeleteOnce again yes the first stanza is mainly just about how she wants to make it happen and stuff.
Thats exactly it! the poem is just about taking each others hands and running away together.
:) Sara