A Show
The ground shakes
The deep thrumming,
It's an earthquake
They can't keep from jumping
As everyone shouts
The band comes out
The crowd prepares for the bout
People gather without a doubt
As the amps roar
Right along with the strumming
That shakes them through their core
The cymbals crash
While the crowds smash
The guitar cuts through like a knife
The ground shake
Everybody shuts their mouth through the strife
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ReplyDeleteI liked how it was about a concert because I have always liked that setting and I enjoyed the simplicity.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing you missed was internal rhyme
1 ABAB CDCD
2 The tone was intense
3 the guitar cuts through like a knife, the crowds smash, the amps roar.
4 The deep thrumming
5 cymbals crash last line second stanza
6 there was no internal rhyme
7 amps roar second stanza first line
8 cymbals crash second stanza last line
Will Andrews, gangsta
I enjoyed the overall topic and the way you compared an earthquake to a (rock?) concert. I also liked the format of the poem; it's not conventional rhyme scheme.
ReplyDeleteThe only things that you could edit might be to add more imagery and add some sort of internal rhyme.
1)ABAB CDCE EFGF
2)Aggresive, excited
3)"through to their core", "amps roar", "shuts their mouth through the strife"
4)The energy of the show feels like a powerful earthquake, and all the imagery is angry and intense.
5) "cymbals crash" in line 8
6) Can't find internal rhyme; maybe something to add?
7)"amps roar"; comparing the sound of the amps to something that roars
8)"Crash" in line 8 and "thrumming" in line 2
Claire Chen
1 This poem is about being in a concert/mosh pit.
ReplyDelete2 Is the earthquake literal or metaphorical?
3 In the second stanza, who or what are they preparing for?
4 As I read the poem, I wondered, who is playing?
symbols: I see icecream at Dairy Queen, people moving, and I see giant turtles because indigenous people used to think that islands shaking were turtles carrying the island on their back.
Metaphor/similies: the guitar cuts through like a knife, its an earthquake,
Moshmoshmosh. Lucas, you were right. Your poem. is G. :D You did an excellent job of capturing that...awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteAnna Smith.
1.The poem is about a band
ReplyDelete2.The one question i have about line 4 why cant they stop jumping?
3.one question i have for stanza 1 is, what band is it you are talking about?
4. One question i have about the poem is, did you like the consert you went to because i can see that you went to a consert.