The name is Jess
I am not a big mess
I be straight up G
Call me in morning I be watching Glee
I come from the hood
'Cause I'm so good
We be freaky fresh like food
The kind in the shape of a dude
Orange is the color
I'm a pretty awesome baller
You might just loose
'Cause i got this wonderful news
Then BOOM! it's the little tuba that could
Them Platypi be screamin' "Ahh she so not good"
People lookin' like school sayin' "what's your mood?"
You be lookin' like a fool screamin' "what the cube!?"
Mr.Reed my friends has inspired me
He's obsessed with Tuba, but it's ment to be
I gotta give credit to that man right here
He's the one who made me live without fear
One last stanza that must be told
You can't let your mac and cheese get old
It be all green like grass, hard, fuzzy too
Don't be kickin' it with your shoe
In final analysis it be all good
I stay in the hood 'cause I just should
I got my food shaped dude
"What the cube!?"
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2554106/Jessica%27s_odd_poem.
i forgot the name at the end of the deleted one above but here's the same thing i said
ReplyDeletei liked the interesting creative lines, and the ending
im really distracted by the larger text in the middle and had to read it a second time to really read it almost
1) AA BB
2) happy and loud
3) platypi, screamin', cube
4) playing the tuba with screaming platypi
5) freaky fresh like food
6) i stay in the hood because i just should
7) the platypi sreaming
8) boom (in big letter's)
Robert Dougan
I really enjoy the the platipi's comment about your tuba.
ReplyDeletetwo suggestionfor improvement would be to enlarge your final stanza so the reader can better read it, to improve some grammer issues.
1) AA BB
2) The poet is jubilant
3) Diction- platipi,BOOM, freky-fresh.
4) Watching tv at 4 a.m. with a platypus
5) Freaky-Fresh- line 7
6) Internal Rhyme- hood, should. line 15
7) Personification- platipi be screamin. line 10
8) onomotopoeia- BOOM line 9
MiChAeL jEpSoN
Wow. I guess you could say this is very interesting. I like the different fonts to show the different tones of each section, and I love how fun it is. I think the rhythm is a bit off, but it still works.
ReplyDelete1. A, A, B, B
2. The tone is very uplifting, humorous
3. platipi, freaky fresh
4. I can see you watching Glee in the morning.
5. freaky fresh
6. hood, should
7. Im pretty sure platipi can't scream.
8. BOOM! Pretty obvious.
Cute Jess.
Erika
8.
Jess,
ReplyDeleteThis poem meant a lot to me. So much that I shall go home, print it out, and put it in my room. My suggestions: WRITE MORE! The rhyme scheme was AABB and your tone was surprisingly obnoxious but confident. May I suggest turning it into a rap? You had a.... very interesting and wide range of diction. My imagery was a gangster getting all up in someone's face. It remined me of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. You used everything needed. Good job.
Amanda
To me this poem is about ending world hunger for the children. the line about not letting your mac and cheese get old puzzles me so... whatever do you mean??!! i have questions about the first stanza, why must you be straight up? One last question. What does this poem mean to you?
ReplyDeleteyour similis and metophors are:it be all like grass..
ReplyDeleteyou be lookin like a fool...
people lookin like schoo....
we be freaky fresh like food.
som esymbolism used is MR. Reed. mr reed could represent knowledg, a teachr or mentor, somone very near or dear to the poet.
to me mr. reed is a representitve of some of my teachers, parents and loved ones...... (:
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2554106/Jessica%27s_odd_poem.
ReplyDeleteHi Jess!...I hope all is going well in school and you are getting all A's! You have a wonderful teacher in having Mrs. Secreto. I miss teaching the class and the kind "good morning" I always heard coming to class : )
ReplyDeleteBe sure to tell everyone hello for me and hopefully I will get to return in December.
Best of luck and keep working hard!
~ Mr.Patrick
P.S. What are you learning in class? How is the tuba playing coming?