Flittering and Fluttering, it flies
with wonderful beauty to the eyes
Can you believe it? Neither can I
that this creature of beauty is here.
As she starts to fly away
the light of day starts to lose its way
and hoping maybe another day
she'll come near.
As an apple falls from a tree
as the sun shines over me
now I can clearly see
what the one thing is I really fear.
It's the end of another day
another lost chance for me to say
"I Love You!" and in that way
maybe she, (and the sun) will appear.
So, I'm pretty sure I blew up from the loveliness of this poem. I'm jealous.
ReplyDeleteUm, you could possibly improve on not making me cry so much from readind this. And perhaps take another look at you "it's".
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I believe the tome is loneliness with a hint of hope and awe.
1. Flittering; I EXTREMELY like this word...Just say'n.
2."Sun shines over me"=Great allusion.
3."Creature of beauty"? Oxymoron, maybe? Clever.
The imagery shown here-in one example-includes: Wonderful beauty to the eyes". ...Does this count?
I very much so enjoy your alliteration, "As an Apple" because I could not think of anything that flowed so smooth as yours. (line 9)
Internal ryme was used..wait. It WASN'T used. You need to do that, mister.
The personification is how the days "lose its way."
I'm pretty sure you onomatopeia was, "I love you!" but, I'm not sure if this counts either. (But I don't mind)
-Adyline
-I exploded with joy when reading this,
ReplyDelete- Make it less sad, if you want, and whatever else you like.
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I believe the tome is loneliness with a dash of sweetness.
Flittering is nice, i just enjoy your words
sunshines over me is pretty.
creature of beauty is just nice, i like it.
i like the alleteration as an apple because its simple but may have meaning?(9)
i saw no internal line, sir jacob!
The personification is how the days "lose its way."
Was "i love you" the onomonatopea?
`~madam Ashley
So this poem is gorgeous. Seriously, dude.
ReplyDeleteNo improving necessary.
1. A, B, C, D, D, D, E, F, F, F, E, D, D, D, E.
2. You seem sorta sad..but. Still, like Addie said, with a hint of awe.
3. Fluttering, flittering, "I love you!"
4. "Creature of beauty"
5. As an apple.
6. hey. you didn't use internal rhyme. fix that! :D
7. personification. how the days lose its way.
8. I agree with Addie.
Nice job, dude.
Anna Smith.
Anna Smith.
1. I think this poem is about love. Or, at least, liking someone or something a lot. Not neccesarily a person.
ReplyDelete2. I have no questions about any lines...this is really pretty.
3. I have a question about the 3rd stanza..its meaning. I have a feelign there'sa few metaphors in there and I'm just not getting the hint though. Haha.
4. The question I have for the whole poem is, what/who are you writing about? If it's super personal, I won't force it out of you, but I'm very curious.
I couldn't find any similes at all...so obviously, there are metaphors in there, and I can't really pick them out, even though I can totally see them. Ha.
For the symbolics parts of your poem:
"The light of day s tarts to lose its way" - reminds me of sunset, or late afternoon.
"Flittering and fluttering, it flies
with wonderful beauty to the eyes" - reminds me of a really pretty bird or butterfly, something delicate.
The whole fourth stanza is the last one. Haha. Like, it just reminds me of someone who's lost their hope for the day, and hopes they get another chance to be with whatever they're speaking of.
Still. Good job, dude.
Anna Smith.
1. I believe this poem started out in my eyes like a butterfly but soon change to something else about love.
ReplyDelete2.One question I have about line 2 is where are the eyes your eyes , mine, or the butterfly I believe the poem talks about?
3.One question I have about stanza 3 is what the apple symbolizes or stands for?
4.One question I have about the entier poem is what was it actually portraying a butterfly or love maybe even something else?
There were no similies or metaphors but this poem is so good that just a few would work. I have a suggestion that you should put a metaphor in stanza 3 line 9 and 10 because it could compare the apple and sun.
I only have one more but you might want to place one in the first stanza comparing flittering and fluttering with beauty. Besides that it was great and you just might want to come up with two more on your own to add some more flavor to the poem.
Fly- airplane, bird, wings, light hearted, willing, and easy going
Shines- nice, sparkling, pretty, bright, and some one who is always happy
Love- a bond between two people, caring for someone, heart, dove, and want to always be there for someone
Olivia Santee