Zip, zap, zing the road runner goes
He runs like the wind
And not the average Joes,
He runs like the does
And other deer that aren't pinned.
The breeze runs along side
Trying to keep up,
His head he won't hide
And never will he abide,
He never gives up,
He ran like a jaguar in the rain
And that wasn't smart,
He hurt his brain
When he slipped in the rain,
When he slipped in the rain,
But he never fell apart like a broken heart,
So he kept moving on
That determined little Fellow,
Until he saw the sun was shining
a brilliant shade of yellow
So he kept moving on
That determined little Fellow,
Until he saw the sun was shining
a brilliant shade of yellow
Wow...that was actually deep for a poem about a deer dude I loved it! keep it up man :)
ReplyDeleteAllan
I enjoyed your onomatopia in the first sentence of your first stanza. Also, I Like your similes and metaphors. You used them very well.
ReplyDeleteYou used "He" a lot and suggest you revise that. I like your onomatopia and would like to see more of it.
1. a,b,a,a,b
c,d,c,c,d
e,f,e,e,f
2. normal talking tone.
3. abide, pinned, breeze
4. the breeze runs along side
5. His head he, stanza 2 line 3
6. no internal rhyme, suggest putting slipped on the rain and hurt his brain in the last stanza
7. The breeze runs. first line stanza 2
8. Zig, zap, zing first line.
Andres Saenz
- I like the humor of this poem and the way you rhyme in this poem.
ReplyDelete- You don't really need improvement because it sounds cool like a riddle.
1) ABAAB
2) Excited?
3) "Average Joes" because it reminds me that one movie.
"Slipped" you spelled it wrong.
"Deer" because it is a cute animal.
4) "He runs like the wind."
5) "His head he won't hide" Line 8
6) None?
7) "Runs like the wind" Line 2
8) "Zip, zap, zing" Line 1
♥Sasha Zainal♥
I liked how he used otomatopoeias. i liked how he used interrnal rhyming. I would like to see more similes. i would to see mre allusions.
ReplyDelete1) A B A A B C D C C D E F E E F
2) His tone of voice was quck and serious.
3) Three use of diction were zing, pain, and brain.
4) The road runner goes
5) his alliteration was zing, zap, and zip.
6) No internal rhyme
7) The breeze runs
8) zip zap zing
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI liked how he used otomatopoeias. I liked how he used interrnal rhyming. I would like to see more similes. I would to see mre allusions.
ReplyDelete1) A B A A B C D C C D E F E E F
2) His tone of voice was quck and serious.
3) Three use of diction were zing, pain, and brain.
4) The road runner goes
5) his alliteration was zing, zap, and zip.
6) No internal rhyme
7) The breeze runs
8) zip zap zing
Kyle Gresak
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete1) This poem is about a road runner.
ReplyDelete2) Line 9: What does abide mean?
3) Stanza 4: Where did it move on to?
4) Q: Is this poem suppose to be a riddle?
Similes and Metaphors-
- "He runs like the wind"
- "He runs like the does"
- "He ran like a jaguar in the rain"
- "But never did he fall apart like a broken heart"
Symbols-
- Road Runner: Cartoon, Bird, Speed.
♥Sasha Zainal♥
1. This poem is about a road runner.
ReplyDelete2. Why is it about a road runner?
3. Stanza 1: Are you trying to express how fast and strong he is?
4. What happens to him in the end?
Similes and Metaphors-
- He runs like the does
- He runs like the wind
- He ran like a jaguar in the rain
- But never did he fall apart like a broken heart
Symbols-
- Road Runner: cartoon, speed, dust trail, road, desert, fast.
☺Allan Martin☻