Can Anybody Hear Her?
She hears the sound of rain pattering on the pane.
The world outside is gray, dreary, and plain.
Coldness creeps through the house like a cat,
A predator ready to attack.
A chill slides up her spine
As the rain comes down fine.
SPLISH, SPLASH! The rain falls in puddles.
She curls up tighter, remaining still subtle.
Like a chameleon in hiding,
It is invisible to who she is confiding.
And she has to wonder if they
Even know she's going down today.
She runs her fingers through her hair,
Her skin ghostly, pale, and fair.
The wetness that touches her cheek
Makes her pause, stop and think.
The misery and longing that fills her
Makes her short, young life seem like a blur.
She can feel her weakness as she bows her head
And murmurs the words that have already been said.
The legions cry out
With a glorious shout.
The Earth lets out a moan
As it loses one of its own.
It is reminded of the sacrifice
When it was love that paid the price,
When blood and water mixed
And everything was fixed.
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2554609/Can_Anybody_Hear_Her%3F
Woah. It's worded so well. Or should I say, your use of diction is fanominal. I like the plot a lot. It makes me think.
ReplyDeleteWell, I would have liked to seen just more to it, just it being longer. It Is great how it is, but it makes me want more.
9:17 comment by Alyx
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how you put "splish! splash!" instead of just splash because I feel it helps more with the imagery. Also, I enjoyed your diction because it also helps me picture an accurate picture of your poem.
ReplyDeleteSomething that you could have done better is use a few more describing words. When I try to picture this poem in my mind, I have trouble picturing it. Also, I feel as if you could have done a better way to make your poem flow a little easier. I feel as if the poem is a little choppy.
1). AABB
2). the poet's tone is sad, and a little lonely.
3). subtle because it helps me picture how she is curled up, cameleon because it also helps me with the imagery, and fine because it also helps me now how thickly the rain is coming down.
4). Like a chameleon in hiding.
5). coldness creeps- the third line stanza 3.
6). there is no internal rhyme.
7). coldness creeps through the house - line 3 stanza 1
8). Splish! Splash! - line 7 stanza 2.
Sarah Haslebacher
1. The rhyme scheme is A A B B
ReplyDelete2. I think the poets tone is sad and concerned.
3. I thought the use of chameleon, comfiding, and predator were very interseting.
4. Some imagery in this was the rainy weather.
5. SPLISH and SPLASH were uses of alliteration used in line seven.
6. Internal rhyme doesn't seem to be used.
7. Personification was used in line 3 about coldness creeping like a cat.
8. An onomatopoeia was used in line 7 with SPLISH SPLASH.
Alyx Neese
Its very deep and emotional but i didn't find an internal rhyme...:)
ReplyDelete1.) The poem is about concentrated fear, death and sacrifice.
ReplyDelete2.) In line 1 stanza 1, where is she? it describes a window pane but doesn't explain too much about where she is.
3.) In the sixth stanza, what does it mean? Is there a certain symbolism?
4.)For the entire poem, what made you write about this? I THINK the poem is about sorrow and fear and death. It makes for a lot of creativity, but the specific topic choice makes me wonder why you chose it.
simile/metaphors?
1. Coldness creeps through the house like a cat
2. Like a chameleon in hiding
3. A predator ready to attack.
4. The misery and longing that fills her makes her short, young life seem like a blur.
"The wetness that touches her cheek makes her pause, stop and think."-death, water, blood, fear, tears
Morgan,
ReplyDeleteBasically she's just sitting in a window at her house. In my vision of what I was writing, all I really thought of was a dark room with a window in it, where she was. From the end of the fifth stanza down, it is totally symbolic. I wanted to write about religion, but I wasn't sure if bringing that into my poem would hurt my grade. So I used the knowledge that I had and it's basically symbolic all on it's own. I was listening to some sad music when I began to write this, so I just started writing about sadness. Then, I started to see where this could go and I (symbolically) added the rest. Really, it doesn't mean anything depressing. It's honestly a happy poem.
Amanda