http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2554667/Temporary_Fix
Someone should say something.
Something to all the unexpecting children.
The children who have so many hopes and dreams.
The ones that could never come true, it seems.
The dreams that have such beautiful faces,
but are ugly in the least obviously places.
Some of these kids will conquer all of that ugly.
Others will have to bid away their souls in the end.
All of the children will one day be happy.
For most it will be like a bandaid, only a temporary fix.
They will do what they consider best,
until the day their bodies are put to rest.
The only ones I could ever respect,
the ones who had any effect,
were those who knew what was true in life.
Those ones were like a bomb, going out with a bang.
W.O.W. This is really good. REALLY really good. It's a great topic and you wrote it awesome! I couldn't find anything I didn't like about it. It's really good the way it is.
ReplyDeleteAmanda
More to say, as I read it more. I think this poem says a lot and it could be really encouraging to some people. I have no suggestions for improvement. I guess there really was no specific rhyme schemes, but I saw some places where it rhymed. I think it's better that way. It made me think of a meangingful and preparing speech for people. Diction was good, and my imagery was just basically children. I forget what alliteration was. I think it's the thing with the consanant(?)but I'm not sure, so good job! Personification where you said 'Dreams that have beautiful faces' STANZA 1 LINE 1. BANG was an onomatopoeia, and it was fantastic THIRD STANZA FOURTH LINE
ReplyDeleteAmanda
I really enjoyed how you talked about a real problem in life. It made me really think about what is going on in the heads of the children in the world today. Also, I really liked your choice of diction because I feel it made the poem have more of an impact of people.
ReplyDeleteSomething I think you could have done better is keep a consistant rhyme scheme because it gets confusing as you read it. Also, I believe that you could have made the poem flow better by usung different types of puncuation.
1). The rhyme scheme is ABCC, DEFG, HIJJ, and KKLM.
2.) The poet's tone is sad and a little dissapointed.
3). Bang because it expressed how they went out, rest because it was a nicer way to say that they were dead, and seems because it makes the reader feel a sense of question.
4). those ones were like a bomb, going out with a bang.
5). say something - line 1 stanza 1
6). there is no internal rhyme.
7). The dreams that have such beautiful faces - line 5 stanza 2
8). going out with a bang - 16 stanza 4.
Sarah Haslebacher
That was really really good and over flowing with emotion....I dont know about the internal rhyming though :/
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ReplyDelete1.This poem was about people not getting their hopes up when they come to a realistic conclusion.
ReplyDelete2.What did you mean in the last line of your poem when you said "Those ones were like a bomb, going out with a bang."? How were they out like a bomb? Did you mean out of your life?
3.I didn't quite understand your last stanza because it was kind of vague. What did you mean when you said "The only ones I could ever respect, the ones who had any effect,
were those who knew what was true in life."? What is true in life?
4.What was your inspiration for this poem?
Your four uses of similie and/or metephor: "Some of these kids will conquer all of that ugly.", "Others will have to bid away their souls in the end.", "For most it will be like a bandaid", and "Those ones were like a bomb"
To me, this poem symbolised a child. It symbolised a child to me because you used the words, child and children a lot, because it was talking about children's dreams, and because it talked about children conquring all the ugly in the world.
Franchesca
1. This poem is about kids and their feelings.
ReplyDelete2. What do you mean "but are ugly in the least obviously places".
3. What made you think of your first stanza?
4. How do you feel about the tone of your poem?
The similes ans metaphors are "Some of these kids will conquer all of that ugly","Others will have to bid away their souls in the end","For most it will be like a bandaid","Those ones were like a bomb".
An allusion word is conquer which makes me think of power, taking over, rulers.
Andres Saenz
To answer some questions for all of you, well, I actually had absolutely no inspiration for my poem. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteI feel that the tone of my poem is more depressing than I would have liked it to be.
By "ugly in the least obvious places" I meant that their dreams and hopes had hidden dark sides that they couldn't see yet, but soon enough would realize.
Hey. You did an excellent job as well, Al licks.
ReplyDeletei can't quit reading it.
Anna Smith