My heart skips a beat
I hear the bang of the gun
As I put trust in my feet
I know it's time to run
I quickly sprint out
Then I find a good pace
I hear my coach shout
keep this up the whole race
My lungs scream for air
My legs feel like ice
The pain is not rare
The finish will be nice
My throat feels as dry as a desert
I want to get through the pain
As I continue to run
My feet hit the ground like rain
Full of powerful pride
I lengthen my stride
As I near the finish line
Victory is mine
I like how this whole poem is postive. I also like how it shows confidence.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you made your poem rhyme and I think you should do more of that. I also really liked the uses of personifications and you should do more.
1) ABAB CDCD EDED
2) The tone is confident and determined to finish the race.
3)They used rhymes with the words confide and stride, numb and come, and rare and air.
4)I know it's time to run
5)powerful pride
6)full of powerful pride in myself I confide
7)as I put trust in my feet
8)shout
Maria Williams
I like how confident you are in this poem and the diction.
ReplyDeleteI think you could have put some more personification and metaphors.
1)ABAB CDCD EFEF
2)confident, tired, happy
3)numb, skips, pride
4)I quickly sprint out
5)powerful pride. line 13
6)Full of powerful pride in myself I confide. line 13
7)My lungs scream for air. line 9
8)I hear the bang of the gun. line 2
Devin Jones!!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOkay, first of all, I'm going to say I love this poem!
ReplyDelete1. the awesomeness of cross country. I remember it, and I'm sure it's only gotten more intense in high school. It is painful while you're running, but that makes the finish so much better.
2. By line 3 in stanza 1, "As I put trust in my feet", do you mean you get ready?
3. For the last stanza, you used a different rhyme scheme; AABB as opposed to ABAB, which you used the rest of the time. Why?
4. Did you have a particular race in mind when you wrote this?
Metaphors/Similes
1. my legs feel like ice
2. my throat feels as dry as a desert
3. my feet hit the ground like rain
4. I don't see another one.
Allusion
Perhaps the word powerful? I think of money, actually, but I also think of leaders and confidence, which I hope is closer to what you were trying to convey.
Hannah
This is an awesome poem. It's fantastic how you intertwined your sport with your homework. I really don't have any questions; I found my answers just reading through the text. But is every race this hard and exhausting? It seems like it takes a lot of commitment. Does stanza 3 describe the middle of the race, or the end? What do you mean, 'powerful pride?'
ReplyDelete'As dry as the desert...' LINE 1 STANZA 4
'Hit the ground like rain...' LINE 4 STANZA 4
Amanda