http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2544354/Alaine%21%21%21%21%21
Say goodbye to the neon orange sun,
I sense the moon waking,
Say goodbye to endless amounts of energy and fun,
The once hot blazing sun gives its last crackle, it is no longer baking.
Soon everything will go as black as night, and dark,
Lights like timers will go out,
No more dogs will shrilly bark,
Not a single wild child to shout.
As heads hit feathered pillows,
I lay awake and strongly bound,
The trees like clouds begin to billow,
I look to see something stirring and wake, but silence gathers round.
As I fall deeply under,
I dream of a silent life of nothing,
I think of a silence as strong as thunder,
As always, I wake to loud sounds and something.
I enjoyed the rhyming and the rhythem of the poem. Two suggestions are to explain more of what the poem is about, and to use better wording. The rhyme scheme was ABAB. The tone was soft and welcoming. Three interesting uses of dictation are that you used a lot of imagery, used a lot of details, and a good rhythem. One example of imagery was that you described the sounds. One example of alliteration was that you used "sounds" and "something". Internal rhyme was used "blazing" and "baking". Personification was used when you described the moon waking. Onomatopoeia was used with "crackle".
ReplyDeleteLauren Addicks
I really like your word choice, and i like that the point of the poem is that silence is good.
ReplyDeleteI think that if you added some more punctuation then it would make more sense. You could also add some adjectives.
1) A B A B
2)the poet doesn't likes silence, and but doesn't enjoy loud noises either.
3) the author said "I look to see somethig stirring and wake" and "not a single child to shout" which isn't the way most people talk. she also described the sun as neon green which isn't the way most people describe it.
4)i look to see something stirring and wake, but silence gathers round
5)"see something stirring" (3rd stanza, last line)
6)"lound sound"(last stanza, last line)
7) she personifies silence
8)cracke(first stanza, last line)
Cara Baldwin
1)it is about silence
ReplyDelete2)why did you use the word neon to describe the sun?
3)the first stanza is kind of sketcky, i dont really understand.
4)why did u make the poem about silence
metaphores/similes:
as black as night
Lights like timers
trees like clouds
silence as strong as thunder
this poem makes me feel for the people who are always around loud noises.
car horns, and vuvusuelas and trumpets are what come to mind.
Cara
1. The poem is about having trouble sleeping.
ReplyDelete2. line 16 What are the loud sounds?
3. Last stanza Why are your dreams so boring?
4. Why don't you try a lunesta?
Trees like clouds
Silence- quiet, eary, ninja, relaxed
ALAINEEE!!!!
ReplyDelete