Bliss
Like the breeze,
Blows through and through,
The winds silent coo
through his empty head
His head is empty,
like a stubborn beggars can.
Full of pride accepts from no man,
But is till pleased
Like a toddler,unaware
of the problems of his fault
heart as cold as a dairy queen malt
but sleeps at night
SWOOSH goes the information through his head
teaching is as pointless as a plastic purple peacock.
like locking up your old socks,
it has no point.
He who does not accept
the knowledge presented
will not be resented
for ignorance is bliss.
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2545144/BLISS
So true.
ReplyDeleteI loved the first and third stanza.
You could improve spelling and comma usage.
1) A
B
B
C
2)Sad
3)bliss
coo
ignorance
4)first stanza
5)through and through
6)N/A
7)winds silent coo
8)N/A
Reuel
aspects-
ReplyDelete1. it reminds me of a relaxing mountian top camp 2.this also reminds me of the wonderful chocolate from HERSHY.
suggestions-
i dont see anything that can make it better
1) A B B C
2)BLISS COLD IGNORANCE
3)COO BLISS STUBBORN
4)AS COLD AS A DAIRY QUEEN MALT
5)N/A
6)N/A
7)7
8)N/A
NATE PETROS
I like the fact that it is really dark and contemplating. It is also very expressive.
ReplyDeleteIt needs more imagery. Oliver's poem is better for real son.
1. ABBC
2. contemplating and rational
3. stubborn beggars, silent coo, and dairy queen malt
4. cold as a dairy queen malt
5. n/a
6. n/a
7. winds silent coo
8. n/a
Oliver Lin
Hey Ben. I think your poem is about ignorant people and how they annoy you. One question I have is what the third line that says "the winds silent coo" What exactly does that mean? The second stanza is pretty confusing too. I can't really tell what you mean. As for the whole poem, who's it about?????
ReplyDeleteThe comment above that starts with hey Ben is by Nick Gallagher.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to do the second part the first time. One symbolic thing is the use of the word toddler. It makes me think of mistakes made without knowing it, innocence, and trying to walk.
ReplyDeleteThis is also by Nick Gallagher
I like the fact that you used many similies and was very descriptive.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to relate more to the topic.
1. ABBC
2. No emotion
3. plastic purple peacock, ignorance is bliss,
silent coo
4.cold as a dairy queen malt
5. through and through
6. through and through
7. heart as cold as dairy queen malt
8. swoosh
Maria