The Meet
The bang on the gun
Sets us off on our run
We run past the trees and their leaves
Who whisper of great fun
Our spikes hit the dirt
Wind wildly whooshing thorough our shirts
Our feet pound the ground
Like a stallion, not hurt
Over a stream,
across the light's long beam
Next comes the hill, which is a long haul,
but as we crest the obstacle, our eyes have a gleam
Finally, the finish line is in sight
We sprint forward, an animal in flight
Crossing the finish line first, a weary traveler
Feeling the pride like a lion in all his might
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2544318/The_Meet
I liked how this poem really relates to you. You made it very believeable. You could make this poem a little more detailed or have some more variety.
ReplyDelete1) AABA
2) Your tone was fearless and not afraid of anything to come.
3) You have a very sophisticated vocabulary
4) When you said "Our spikes hit the dirt," i pictured someone running in the mud with the mus and dirt flying up everywhere.
5) Wind wildly whooshing 6th line
6) Pound and ground 7th line
7) when the leaves whisper of great fun 4th line
8) whooshing 6th line
LOVE, Mazie <3
I Enjoyed how you talked about your sport and how you described how you see the race.
ReplyDelete1.AABA
2.Your tone was how you see the race when you run and you overcome any obsticle.
3.I liked when you said "Crossing the finish line first, a weary traveler Feeling the pride" I thought that was good describing a tired runner at the end of the race.
4.When you said"The bang on the gun Sets us off on our run" I pictured over a hundred girls taking off and pushing their way through to the front.
5.Wind wildly whooshing in the 6th line
6.Our feet pound the ground in the 7th line
7.The leaves are whispering great fun in the 4th line
8.whooshing in the 6th line
~Katie:)
I liked the mental images and pictures about running your poem placed in my mind. It almost makes me want to run cross country as well! I think you need to work a little more on your rhythm throughout your poem.
ReplyDelete1) AABA or all but one line in each stanza rhymed.
2) Your tone was determined and really in love with what you do.
3) How you used weary instead of just tired, how you used stallion as an example of how you felt and lion as an example of how you felt when you won.
4) The wind wildly whooshing thorough our shirts really made my senses go wild trying to picture how that would feel.
5) Alliteration was used in line 2 of stanza 2 when you said wind wildly whooshing.
6) Internal rhyme was used in line 3 of stanza 2 (pound and ground) to create an image in the reader's head.
7) Personification was used when she mentioned the leaves whispering in line 4 of the first stanza.
8) Onomatopoeia was used in line 2 of the second stanza when she said whooshing therefore creating an image about the sound the wind was making.
Moriah Davis
1.) This poem is about a track or cross country meet.
ReplyDelete2.) I have no questions for this poem.
3.) No questions for this poem.
4.) No questions for this poem.
5.) The similies were " like a stallion, not hurt.", " Next comes the hill, which is a long haul.", and " Feeling the pride like a lion in all it's might." The metaphores in this poem is, " An animal, in flight."
6.) The word 'pride' could mean, happy, joyful, suprising, etc. I think of trophies, ribbons and smiles when I think of this word.
the above is from Brittany C.!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis poem is about a cross country meet. The line "Who whisper great fun" confuses me a bit. What does it mean? I don't have a question about a stanza in particular. I understood the whole poem pretty well.
ReplyDelete-Similes were..stanza 2 line 4, stanza 4 lines 2, 3 and 3.
-Gleam..pride, courage, winning, dedication, desire.
Emma:)
I used the phrase "who whisper of great fun" to personify the trees and the way the wind rustles their leaves is such a way they sound like they are talking. I like to imagine that they are whispering of fun as it makes the run more fun.
ReplyDeleteMady
Why did you decide to write about a meet?
ReplyDeleteAlso why did you decide to use a stallion, not hurt to describe how you all run?
Emma:)