Bright City Lights
Here the darkness does not make it night,
we have our bright city lights.
They shine with vibrant hues
of yellows, greens and sickly blues.
People run around in the artificial day,
like rats scurrying just to get away.
No one rests, no one sleeps,
the city is a blaring beating beast.
The streets are wildly abuzz,
the exhaust is like a misty fuzz.
People flying in their cars,
to dates and fates and bars.
No one thinks, no one feels,
it's all spinning like a giant wheel.
At least all the streets are straight, we think.
It's all about to fall off the brink.
There are people working, people crying,
people running, stealing, buying.
Here the darkness does not make it night,
we have our bright city lights.
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2545228/Bright_City_Lights
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2545195/Bright_City_Lights
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2545228/Bright_City_Lights
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2545195/Bright_City_Lights
I really like the part about dates, fates, and bars, because it's so true nowadays! I also like the title. I can only see one problem, that strait should be straight but other than that good job!
ReplyDeleteThhe rhyme scheme is AABB. I think the tone is mysterious. Using the word atrificial to describe the day is a good use of diction. The last to lines of the first stanza that describe the lights are a good use of imagery. Alliteration was used in the second line of the last stanza with the "ing".
Personification was used in calling the city a beast (second stanza, last line).
Otomatopoeia is used when she says the streets are abuzz (third stanza, first line).
-Rachel Brosky
I really liked the wording and how the peom is like life today. Only one improvement on the second to last line you forgot to capitalize the h because theres a period before. The rhyme scheme was A A B B. The tone is hard to explain, I guess you could say mysterious. Diction that was interesting was sickly blues, artificial day and misty fuzz. Imagery could be blaring beating beast. Blaring beating beast would also be alliteration. Internal rhyme is dates and fates. Personification would also be blaring beating beast. Onomatopoeia would be streets are abuzz.
ReplyDeleteNada Aboraya
It is about the nature of humanity and what we have become with the acceleration of technology and "society."
ReplyDeleteLine: What did you mean by "At least all the streets are straight, we think?"
Stanza: Why did you choose the last stanza to be the last, to be your conclusion?
Poem: Every rhyme has a reason and I'm wondering about yours... *hint-hint*
Similes and metaphors: like rats scurrying just to get away, the city is a blaring beating beast, the exhaust is like a misty fuzz, it's all spinning like a giant wheel.
Symbol: the giant wheel reminds me of chaos, confusioT, and a little bit of karma.
Jessica N.