Falling in love is hard to do,
especially when it's not with you.
Seeing you in love makes me smile a mile,
even though it's not with me,
by your side I will always be.
Love has never been in my reach,
love is not something you can teach.
You've picked me up, you've knocked me down,
only once have you made me frown.
Looking at the stars while time ticks away,
listening to Yiruma as the trees dance and sway.
Staring in your eyes prettier than the ocean,
laying there restless without any motion.
Peace, power, and poetry, sweet as a dove,
Under my arm your head was restin',
while I drifted towards love,
without any question.
You make sooooooo happy! I love you Julian! That is such a cutee poem
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the topic
ReplyDeleteI like how everything about the poem is real
I think you could have used more elligent words
And use the same rhyme scheme throughout the poem
rhyme scheme
AABCC
AABB
AABB
ABA
3 interesting uses of diction were" restin because there was no g another was Yiruma because i don't no what that is and one more is You've because you shouldn't use contractions
"Her eyes were like oceans"
He didn't use alliteration
I DIDNT SEEE ANY INTERNAL RHYMES!!!!!!
her eyes are prettier then the ocean??
"ticks" as time ticks away!
Katiee Ferrebee <3
i love youu!
That's soooo sweet! I like it a lot. :)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI love the sweet herthrobbing feal it is so bitter sweet. I relly like the thoughts on love how it is something you cannot teach.
ReplyDeleteyou should really capitalize the "I" in line 5. also maybe try to even out the lines, the first has 5 the last on has three.
1- the rhyme scheme is a,a,b,c,c then a,a,b,b then a,a,b,b then a,b,a
2- The tone is heartbreaking yet sweet
3-Interesting diction was:restless without motion, Yirma, and trees sway
4-A good use of Imagry was eyes prettier than an ocean
5-I saw no alleteration
6-There were no internal rhymes
7-There were no personified objects
8-tick in line 10
Emily Raque
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteGIIIIRRRLLLLL.
ReplyDeleteIs butter a carb?
Is that your natural hair color?
Her hair is full of secrets.
I enjoyed how real this poem was, and also your choice of word usage.My suggestion for improvement is that you should use the same rhyme scheme through out the whole poem, also I think the poem would have been better if the sentences were longer. The rhyme schemes of the poem are AABC,AABB,AABB,and ABA. The poets tone was soft and loving.the three uses of diction are "looking at the stars while time ticks," and " Staring in your eyes prettier than the ocean" and also "laying there restless without any motion." An example of imagery was "her eyes are prettier than the ocean". Alliteration was not used, I did not see any examples. I also did not see any examples of internal rhyme. There were also no personified objects. Tick in line 10.
ReplyDeleteEmilee Poling
1.This poem is about how the author of the poem feels about love and he might not be in the relationship but he will be there for both of them when they need it.
ReplyDelete2. "listening to Yiruma as the trees dance and sway" what is Yiruma? what does it have to do with dancing trees that sway.
3. Why did you choose these certain lines for this poem? Peace, power, and poetry, sweet as a dove,Under my arm your head was restin',while I drifted towards love,without any question.
4. The question i have for this whole poem is, who did you write this for?
Similes and metaphor
1.listening to Yiruma as the trees dance and sway.
2. I am not of any other similes or metaphors in this poem.
A symbolic part of the poem would be the stanza that says youv'e knocked me down you've picked me up... that reminds me of the song Knocks me down. by Keri Hilson
3 associations
1. love
2. passion
3. fearless
Julian I love you fooofooooo!!!:) This poem makes me think of cross-the-hallway-girl if you catch my drift
ReplyDelete1-This poem is about LOVE obviously.
2-I want to know who wrote line 14? Was it by chance ME!? :) My real question is who is Yiruma?
3- Why does stanza 4 have a different rhyme scheme than the rest of the poem.
4- One question I have about the poem is who is this about?
"Makes my smile a mile", "sweet as a dove" and I don't know but I think that the fact that your poem actually makes sense to me replaces the fact that you only have 2.
Love- open relationships, boys, girls, hearts, pink, white, red, carnations, 7th grade, homecoming, kisses, hugs.
Iloveyouman. <3
--Cassidy Harris (went to Paris) on a ferris (wheel) (with R.M.) ;)))))