As she lays on the beach thinking of tommorrow
she slowly is drowning in her own painful sorrow.
Bitter memories flood her mind
leaving her breath hard to find.
The betrayal leaves jagged cuts along the edge of her soul.
His eyes were black as coal.
Her tears trace paths down her cheeks
as the sun begins to peek.
The sun sets over the shimmering sea.
Splash! She feels the urge to pee.
It will soon be a new day
and he will pay.
I enjoyed how the poem was deep and had a lot of meaning.
ReplyDeleteI also enjoyed the similies used in the poem.
There should be some internal ryhme.
The poem needs more commas so the reader understands how to give rhythm to the poem.
1. A A B B
2. The poet's tone is a sad, depressed tone.
3. betrayal, shimmering, bitter
4. bitter memories flood her mind
5. The sun sets over the shimmering sea, line 9
6. There is no internal rhyme
7. Her tears trace paths, line 7
8. Splash, line 10
Daniel Berrebi
5.