Five seconds left on the excited clock,
It's digital, but it chirps like a bird, tick-tock.
The pass comes in-bounds,
All other sounds are just the background now.
Enjoy this while it lasts,
And forget the past.
This one play right here,
Will make you cry like a baby or frantically cheer.
The ball is dribbled, "Boing, Boing"
Will this be as easy as a flip of a coin?
You take three steps and slowly stop,
You must feel like you're on top.
The shot goes up like a firework,
Or a champagne bottle when you pop off the cork.
It can't possibly miss, can it?
But it does, and the senior player throws a fit.
Two aspects of this peom I realy enjoyed was your similes and the diction.
ReplyDeleteTwo things you could improve on is to use allitertion and to and maybe use more personification.
1. The rhyme scheme is AABB.
2. The poet's tone was anxious.
3. Three interesting uses of diction was one asking if it would be as easy as flipping a coin. Two how you compare the shot to a firework and three how you hav ethe senior player throwing a fit.
4. One example of imagery was comparing the shot to a champagne bottle cork.
5. Alliteration was used to explain the player coming to a stop. line 7.
6. Internal rhyme was used you explain the noises fading into the background. Line 4.
7. Personification was used to discribe the clock. Line 1.
8. An onomatopoeia was used to discribe the sound of the dribbling ball. Line 5.
Jackey Teets
beautifully ignorant
ReplyDeleteTwo aspects I liked were your onomatopoeia and how its worded. I only have one suggestion of improvement is after background now is messes with the rhyming scheme in the first stanza. The rhyme scheme was AABB. I think the tone was sort of anxious like you were waiting for something to happen. Three interesting uses of diction would be how you explained the clock as exciting, how its digital but it chirps like a bird and how you explained the shot like a firework. Imagery could aslo be how the shot went up like a firework. Alliteration would be step and slowly stops. Internal rhyme would be sounds and backgrounds, line 4. Personfifcation would be how you said the clock chirps. Onomatopoeia would be when you wrote boing boing for the ball dribbling.
ReplyDeleteNada Aboraya
I like your poem because I can relate to it. I also enjoy the similies. The only improvement you could make is to write about baseball. It really is better than baseball.
ReplyDeleteNick Gallagher
1. The last seconds of a basketball game.
ReplyDelete2. Why does a ball sound like "Boing, boing" in line 9?
3. Why does he miss in the last stanza?
4. Why is it about a senoir player not you?
Cry like a baby, easy as a flip of a coin, goes up like a firework, chirps like a bird.
clock- time, hourglass, glass
Oliver Lin
In my previous comment, I meant to say baseball really is better than basketball. It really is.
ReplyDeleteNick Gallagher
1. It is about a basketball player in the last seconds of a game.
ReplyDelete2. Why did you use "boing'boing"?
3. Why does the player stop in the 3rd stanza?
4. What is the significance of the senior player missing teh last second shot.
Similes/Metaphors
up like a firework
chirps like a bird
cry like a baby
easy as toss of a coin
senior= big, boy, demanding, mean, boss, controler, considered about himseelf
AKSHAY CHANDRAN