There is a guy standing on a mountain who looks very proud,
He should be awarded with a very big crown,
The crowd would cheer, like a very loud noise,
And take picture after picture of this man's great poise,
He sits and thinks about his fame,
He wonders if he could play a game,
Maybe drop a penny all the way down,
Man, he would look like a idiodic clown
The marvelous mountain maniac is wearing pants,
He looks down at the clouds like they were ants,
SMACK! He falls straight to the ground and lands on his face,
The vultures laugh and eat him and leave no trace,
The guy is dead, like a bug that is squished,
The vultures eat and sleep near him,
The guy's journey was a triumph, like he won the lottery,=0)
Now his journey has come to an end.
Two things I really enjoyed about Akshay's poem was that fact that it was really funny. I also enjoyed his use of words to make the poem satirical.
ReplyDeleteI think this poem needs a message. That would make it even better. I also think that his poem needs better imargery.
1. AABB
2. mocking and satirical
3. bug that is squished, the guy's journey, lands his face
4. the vultures laugh
5. marvelous mountain maniac, line 5
6. journey... lottery, line 11
7. the vultures laugh, line 8
8. SMACK!, line 7
Oliver Lin
I enjoyed that the man was wearing pants, and the use of imagery. My only suggestions are to not base your entire poem on words that rhyme, and to maybe have better word choice in places.
ReplyDelete1) AABB 2) it was mocking 3)squished, very big, marvelous mountain maniac 4)looked down at the clouds like they were ants 5) marvelous mountain maniac 6)none 7)the vultures laugh
8) SMACK line 7
WOWZERS!
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ReplyDelete1. A man who reaches the top of the mountain and falls down.
ReplyDelete2. What does "play a game" mean in line 6?
3. Stanza 2 doesn't seem to flow smoothly and feels like a interruption in the poem (it doesn't fit with the story), what is it's purpose?
4. How does this poem relate to us or is it just a narrative?
Like a bug that is squished, look like an idiodic clown, triumph like he won the lottery, cheer like a very loud noise
Marvelous- grand, powerful, splendor
Oliver Lin
1. This poem is about a man that reached the top of a mountain, was very proud and excited, and he ended up falling all the way down.
ReplyDelete2. "He wonders if he could play a game". What does this exactly mean? Is he implying he is bored?
3. The last stanza is a little confusing. Does it maybe need different similes? The ones you chose do not give enough image to what you are trying to say.
4. Is the poem about failure, and how it always happens, or does it have a different meaning?
Similes/Metaphors
-he would look like a idiodic clown
-the clouds like they were ants
-like a bug that is squished
-like he won the lottery
Fame
=glory
=famous
=on top
=the best
=loved by some and hated by others
=money
=to win
Daniel Berrebi pd 5