He is a mega mountain climber and is so
High up in the air.
I don't know how he can climb so high though,
He is like a balloon, so high up in the sky.
Crack! A rock is breaking
Ruining the silence with violence;
The whole mountain is shaking,
He is sliding like he is on a sled.
Down goes the climber,
The mountain is like a slide;
His life is like a zero on a timer
The mountain is alive no more.
He is under 10 feet of snow,
His clothes become frozen;
The chances of finding him are no more.
He is the real snow man.
http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2544288/The_Mountain_Climber
I like this poem because it shows the mountain climbers emotions and also shows the drama he goes through. I think to improve it you could improve the rythm. The rhyme scheme is A,B,A,B. The tone is nuetral. Three interesting diction choices are mega, majestic and violence. Imagery was used when he said the ":mega mejestic mountain." His internal rhyme is "silence with violence." An onomatopoeia is used when he says "Crack!"
ReplyDeleteEmma:)
I like when he said, "ruining the silence with violence". I also like that he killed the mountain climber. The poem needs better flow to it. Mountian probably doesn't need to be said as much. 1. ABAC 2. depressed becuses he killed the mountain climber 3. mega good describing word, majestic helps describe what mount. used to like, ballon could have used airplane 4. mountian is shaking, reminded me of volcanoe 5. line 1 mega mountian 6. line 6 silence with violence 7. NA 8. line 5 Crack
ReplyDeleteRiver Hames
Two aspects that i liked was the happy feeling it gave me and when you said ruining the silence with violence
ReplyDelete" I don't know how he can climb so high though,
he is like a balloon, so high up in the sky"
You should make the line flow better.
Also you should capitalize every line.
1) 1,2,1,3
2) excited
3) majestic, silence, and baloon
4) the mountain is a slide
5) mega mountain
6) know and though
7) none
8) Crack! line 5
Zac Leombruno
I LIKE THE FLOW
ReplyDeleteNATHAN PEROS
Jack, your peom is about a mountain climber.
ReplyDeleteThe line about the ballon doesnt fow well why did you add it?
The last stanza doesnt go well with the rest of the peom you should revise it?
Why did you choose to write about a mountain climber?
"He is like a balloon, so high up in the sky"
"His life is like a zero on a timer"
"The mountain is like a slide"
"He is sliding like he is on a sled"
Those are the similes/meatphors.
Snow_ white, powdery, cold, pretty.
Zac pd3
The line about the balloon describes how far up in the air he is.
ReplyDeleteThe last line describes the end of the climber because he is buried in the snow.
I looked at the picture at the bottom of the page and it appealed to me.
Jack period 3 (in answer to Zac)