In the morning cold like ice,
have hardly had even enough rest to suffice
the thirsting hunger of ever weighing eyes,
must now comply to the early morning light.
Streams of water hit my face in the never ending race to stay awake,
time flies by like a gymnast with a gold medal to take,
"Ding" goes the bell of the breakfast meal I just ate,
with a cold glass of milk to wash down the taste.
The pain streaking down my back is the tremendous weight I must bear,
never ceasing, never leaving like an overwhelming tear;
the black bag is a darkened stone,
carrying items as precious as gold.
Quick with haste the wheels spin round,
burning rubber as they touch ground,
the journey is long with much at stake;
never looking back we close the gate.
have hardly had even enough rest to suffice
the thirsting hunger of ever weighing eyes,
must now comply to the early morning light.
Streams of water hit my face in the never ending race to stay awake,
time flies by like a gymnast with a gold medal to take,
"Ding" goes the bell of the breakfast meal I just ate,
with a cold glass of milk to wash down the taste.
The pain streaking down my back is the tremendous weight I must bear,
never ceasing, never leaving like an overwhelming tear;
the black bag is a darkened stone,
carrying items as precious as gold.
Quick with haste the wheels spin round,
burning rubber as they touch ground,
the journey is long with much at stake;
never looking back we close the gate.
I really enjoyed the perspective of an average day, and also I liked the comparison between the black bag and a darkened stone. My only suggestion is that you should give more detail of the day, rather than just random parts of it. The rhyme scheme of the poem is A A B C. the poets tone is exhaustion from his tiring day. three interesting uses of diction are the words gymnast, tremendous, and precious; those words helped to describe emotions and or thoughts in greater detail. An example of imagery is "the black bag is a darkened stone" when I read this it makes me think of a bookbag that is black and is as heavy as a rock. The second line has alliteration. The internal rhyme is in the second stanza and the first line. Personification was used in the second stanza, second line. Personificaton was used in the second stanza, third line, and it was used to express a breakfast bell.
ReplyDeleteEmilee Poling
I liked the first and second sentence.
ReplyDeleteYou should work on spelling and diction.
1)A A B C
2)sad
3)precious tremendous suffice
4)last line
5) N/A
6)black bag
7) line 10
8)Ding
Reuel Zinn
HI KYLe
ReplyDeleteI like your use of similes and metaphors. YOu are vey creative person KYLe.
SOme improvement is to take out the backpack part because it doesnt go along with the rest of it. YOur poem is also kind of depressing but I know that you are a very optimistic person.
1.AABC
2. sad
3. precious tremendous suffice
4. precious as gold
5) N/A
6)face...day on line5
7) it was on the last line
8)Ding
akshay chandran
the poem is aboout kyles day.
ReplyDeletewhy does the bell go ding?
In ur last stanza why does the wheels spin and not go anywhere?
like an overwhelming tear
as precious as gold
as they touch ground,
like ice
gold-precious glimming shinny
the one and only nathan petros
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe poem is about an average day in the life of Kyle.
ReplyDeleteOne question I have for a particular line of the poem is for line 11, why did you say "the black bag is a darkened stone"?
One question I have for a particular stanza in the poem is, stanza 3 because I want to know why you decided to talk about how precious your things were, because its just school books and such.
One question I have for the entire poem is why you chose to write about an average day for you and does ur day every vary?
The four examples of a simile or metaphor are:
1. time flies by like a gymnast with a gold medal to take
2.never ceasing, never leaving like an overwhelming tear
3.carrying items as precious as gold
4.burning rubber as they touch ground
gold-shiny, winning, and wealth.
Emilee Poling
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete1) This poem is about what Kyle goes through on an average day.
ReplyDelete2) One question I have about line 2 of stanza 4 is why you chose the prase "burning rubber?" It's a very good descriptive phrase but school busses go reeeaaallly slow.
3) One question I have about stanza 3, is how you did you think of such descriptive comparisons when talking about a simple backpack? It was very well worded.
4)One question I have about the entire poem is if this is actually what your average day is like? Or if you just made up a story of what it normally would be like.
Four examples of simile or metaphor are: "In the morning cold like ice," time flies by like a gymnast with a gold medal to take," never ceasing, never leaving like an overwhelming tear," and "the black bag is a darkened stone," there were also many more throughout the poem.
An symbolic part of this poem is gold. Gold could represent: winning, wealth, jewelry, and good times like a "Golden Age."
Lily Bailey